"Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."
We would encourage you to take some time to read and ponder the scriptures, articles, and comments below that were shared with regards to this lesson and topic. As you do so, please know you are loved. Please know that our stake presidency, bishopric, and Relief Society presidency are aware of you and the wide diversity in our individual marital and family situations. Above all else, we sincerely pray you will feel the Lord's tender awareness of you and that the Spirit will teach each of us what we need to learn and know regarding this topic. All of us our defenders of the family and the sanctity of the marriage relationship. Each of us has been affected by these relationships and can testify to why they are so important. Sister Bonnie Oscarson, General Young Women's President, shared the following during her April 2015 talk at the General Women's Meeting:
Each of us has a part to play in the plan, and each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord. We should remember that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His promises that nothing will be withheld from those who faithfully keep their covenants.
Heavenly Father has a
mission and plan for each of us, but He also has His own timetable. One of the
hardest challenges in this life is to have faith in the Lord's timing. It's a
good idea to have an alternative plan in mind, which helps us to be
covenant-keeping, charitable, and righteous women who build the kingdom of God
no matter which way our lives go. We need to teach our daughters to aim for the
ideal but plan for contingencies.
During this 20th
anniversary year of the family proclamation, I would like to issue a challenge
for all of us as women of the Church to be defenders of "The Family: A
Proclamation to the World." We need to boldly defend the Lord's revealed
doctrines describing marriage, families, the divine roles of men and women, and
the importance of homes as sacred places--even when the world is shouting in
our ears that these principles are outdated, limiting, or no longer relevant.
Why is marriage between a man and woman
ESSENTIAL to God’s eternal plan?
“Two
of the vital pillars that sustain Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness are
marriage and the family. Their lofty significance is underscored by Satan’s
relentless efforts to splinter the family and to undermine the significance of
temple ordinances, which bind the family together for eternity. The temple
sealing has greater meaning as life unfolds. It will help you draw ever closer
together and find greater joy and fulfillment in mortality.” (Richard G. Scott,“The Eternal Blessings of Marriage”, April 2011)
Why are children ENTITLED to birth within the
bonds of matrimony? Why does this make any difference?
·
The word bond
has many meanings, including “a covenant,” “a uniting force,” and “an adhesive
that combines, unites, and strengthens.” The bonds of matrimony are bonds of love uniting two people in a
covenant relationship that strengthens them and gives them a higher
purpose. In this sense, these bonds liberate men and women to reach their full
eternal potential.
·
Research by
family scholars supports the Church’s position. A recent publication compares
children of single or cohabiting parents with children of married parents.
While single parents often succeed in rearing well-adjusted, responsible
children, the report concludes that, taken as a whole, children who live with
married parents are less likely to divorce or become unwed parents themselves,
are less likely to experience poverty, tend to have higher grades, are more
likely to attend college, and experience lower rates of unemployment. On
average, children of married parents also experience better physical and mental
health, have lower rates of substance abuse, experience less child abuse, and
are less likely to commit suicide or engage in criminal behavior. Parents can
give children no greater gift than the example of a strong, loving marriage.
What does it mean to “honor marital vows
with complete fidelity”?
(The following information was taken from an article in the September 2009 Ensign titled, "Fidelity in Marriage: It's More Than You Think". It was written by Kenneth W. Matheson, a professor in the school of social work at BYU.)
*Definition of fidelity:
1.strict observance of promises, duties, etc.
2.loyalty
3.conjugal faithfulness
4.
faithfulness to
a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support
EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY: When emotions and thoughts are focused on
someone other than a spouse.
·
Doesn’t usually
happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This
is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing.
·
Relationships
with others of the opposite sex are not in and of themselves a problem or a
fracture of fidelity. In fact, many of our meaningful relationships with
neighbors, Church friends, co-workers, and others have a balanced and important
place in our lives. However, there is a danger zone that people may cross into
if they are not watchful.
PHYSICAL INFIDELITY
SPIRITUAL FIDELITY:
·
This phrase
underscores the seriousness of the choices we make because it recognizes the eternal potential of our marital
relationships as well as the importance
of acting in accordance with the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
·
Spiritual
fidelity also causes us to consider the
sacred covenants we have made in the temple and how the very nature of our thoughts and deeds can undermine those
covenants. In other words, if a
person is unfaithful spiritually he is not honoring his temple covenants even
though he has not committed physical acts of intimacy.
·
Matthew
5:27-28: whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery
with her already in his heart.
·
1 Thessalonians
5:22: Abstain from appearance of evil
·
Alma 12:12-15,
thoughts and words must be pure because we shall be judged for our thoughts as
well as our actions, good or ill
·
2 Nephi 9:39,
to be carnally minded is death but to be spiritually minded is life eternal
·
Mosiah 4:30,
watch your thoughts, words, deeds and observe commandments, continue in
faith---o remember, remember!
·
When a spouse
has developed a relationship that compromises his or her spiritual fidelity, he
or she should be humble and take the necessary steps to restore the marital
relationship. Fasting, prayer, temple attendance, scripture study, and
pondering the Lord’s teachings are essential in helping one remain pure and
true to one’s spouse and in healing the relationship.
·
In situations
such as these, spouses should remember that change is not easy and that neither
spouse can change the other person. Instead, spouses can commit to making
changes in their individual behavior. They can also commit to seeking the
Lord’s help through the power of the Atonement in order to become their best
selves, for their own sakes and for the sake of their spouses.
·
It is helpful
to focus on a spouse’s strengths rather than on their deficiencies. Our first
concern should be the changes we personally need to make in our own actions and
attitudes.
·
“If you are
married, are you faithful to your spouse mentally as well as physically? Are
you loyal to your marriage covenants by never engaging in conversation with
another person that you wouldn’t want your spouse to overhear? Are you kind and
supportive of your spouse and children?” (Robert D. Hales)
Take a moment to search and answer the following questions during your scripture study:
1) What examples do we find in
the scriptures regarding the blessings of marital fidelity? What
characteristics exemplify their relationship?
2) What examples do we find in
the scriptures of those who experienced marital infidelity? What are some of
the consequences of these choices?
“...none of us marry perfection; we marry potential. The right marriage is
not only about what I want; it’s also about what she—who’s going to be my
companion—wants and needs me to be.”
I sent out an email on Saturday asking sisters to reflect on the following questions:
2) What are the things that can ruin, tear down, or destroy a marriage or harm a relationship?
3) What have you found personally to be the best ways to strengthen a relationship/marriage?
4) What does the phrase "to honor marital vows with complete fidelity" mean to you?
I received the following beautiful responses and wanted to share these thoughts.
Michele Carnesecca:
“I have a simple thought
that has been a great visual for me in my marriage. If you picture a triangle, the husband is at
the bottom left point, the wife is at the bottom right point of the triangle
and the Savior is at the top point. As
the husband and wife come closer to the Savior, they invariably become closer
to each other. It doesn’t mean they are
perfect, but it means that they are striving to be like Christ, repent of
wrongdoings, forgive freely and try to be like the Savior. Just a thought.” (Michele Carnesecca)
Amy Reid:
*I think good marriages
have good communication between the spouses, the two people look for the good
in each other and build each other up, and they are best friends as well as
romanticly attracted and intimate with each other. They also have common goals.
I think successful marriages in an eternal sense must have the Savior as part
of their marriage--Christ can help both partners forgive each other and repent,
build unity and unconditional love, and provide an example for both to follow.
*Satan LOVES to tear down
marriages! It's his favorite thing to spend his time and energy doing because
marriage is so critical to our Heavenly Father's plan, and he hates that! If he
destroys our marriage, everything else can easily crumble. He destroys marriage by encouraging us to
find fault with one another, to be slow to forgive, to be too prideful to
repent. In modern times he is trying to have us busy ourselves with so many
mundane tasks that we lose sight of priorities and we don't nurture our
marriage.
Also, Satan LOVES to have
us think that if marriage is hard at times, we should just quit! That's what
he's leading the entire world to believe--that it's no big deal to quit when
things get hard.
*Ted and I strive to go on
weekly dates very regularly. For us, it has really strengthened our marriage
since we were newlyweds. With 5 children, we need the weekly dates now more
than ever! We have fun together, we laugh, we cry, we nurture our love for each
other, we remember why we got into this relationship in the first place, we
discuss goals and spiritual thoughts, we share our testimonies, and on and
on! I cannot emphasize enough how
crucial weekly dates have been for us!
We also regularly set goals
together. Sometimes it is about our food storage, sometimes about buying a new
house, or working on parenting together, or supporting one another in our
callings, etc. Currently, Ted & I are taking a Dave Ramsey finance class
every Friday evening together and we have set goals together to follow God's
counsel to get out of debt and be prepared financially for what may come.
Also, we constantly look
for little ways we can ease each other's burdens and strengthen each other. For
example, yesterday, when I was having one of THOSE days (the kind when you want
to make a blanket fort and hide in it all day!), Ted brought a big dr. pepper
in to me at school and left me the sweetest little note on a post=it note on my
desk, telling me how much he loved me and that he was praying that my day would
get better. How could I not smile and carry on after that?? How could I not just love his unselfish
gesture and realize he's in it forever--the good, the bad, and the ugly? And today, Ted really needed a break from the
noisy, active, needy kids, so I took care of them for several hours so Ted
could work on projects for our home in the garage with music playing and saws
whirring. He came inside with a big smile on and renewed energy, and I felt so
happy for him that he felt renewed and fulfilled. It's the little everyday
things that can make a difference between being "roommates" and being
best friends and eternal companions.
*I think it means treating
that other person with utmost respect, never emotionally or physically abusing
the other in any way. I also believe that it means that we always talk about
the other with love and respect, even (and especially) when the other spouse is
not present. It means not stepping even a toe into a "gray area" in
our thoughts or actions that might lead our spouse to feel insecure,
suspicious, or hurt. I believe it also means again to include Christ equally
yoked in our marriage and to actively use his gift of atonement to keep the
covenants we made at the alter binding."
Aimee Tubbs:
“I have been teaching the
Mia Maid classes at the ward conferences on the importance of strengthening
families. As I read your email, a quote
from a video entitled, "Families Can Be Together Forever" came to my
mind. So I thought I'd share it.
President Eyring (about halfway through the
video) - "He [meaning Heavenly Father] has offered us the family as an
example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as he loves. That
is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in
family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above
our own. That is what love is."
I love it when he says it
in the video. It's very powerful to me.
His words have just really
struck me and made me realize that a great purpose for having a family is to
learn how to love as God and the Savior loves.
It makes me re evaluate how I"m doing in love when I ponder on my
family relationships. I notice that I have some work to do in my learning to
love. It is good to love others but
really I can start by practicing love within the walls of my home and with my
extended family. And I can use the
family setting to teach my children. To say, "practice now how you want to
treat your future spouse and your future children by how you treat your
siblings and other family members now." If they are selfish or jealous
with their siblings, how will they be with a spouse? It's a good time to
practice, and practice denotes a sense of time. Practice isn't a one time event
and its learned, mastery comes with time and repetition. Continually correcting
the mistakes and fine tuning the skills."
Jan Hamner:
Question 1 .
Respect; friendship; common interests and values; communication; trust;
appreciation; affection; forgiveness. Leave room for each of you to
grow. Love is shown in different ways and forms; learn to recognize
when and how you are being shown love. Most important thing in your lives
is the marriage.
Question 2.
Reverse of any of the
above. Belittling each other in any form.
Question 3.
Working through problems together. Don't go to sleep angry.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Take family time; take
alone together time.
Question 4. No
affairs; no pornography
The following video is a beautiful illustration of the tender love and strength that can be found within the sacred bonds of marriage:
As a Relief Society Presidency, we bear testimony of these sacred truths. No marriage is perfect...not one! Each of us struggle and each of us has to work hard. We know we have women whose hearts have been broken and whose families have suffered. The Lord wants each of us to be happy. He has given us these principles to help us find joy...he has also given us resources to rely upon when things may not be going exactly as we had planned. You have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who stand ready to listen, help, bless, and guide. You have extended family, good friends, a wonderful bishop, visiting teachers, and a Relief Society presidency who want to help. Please do not be afraid to reach out and seek help if you are seeking answers. The things in life that mean the most to us are those things we truly have worked the hardest for...and continue to work towards. Trust in the Lord's promises and timing. Trust in your spouse. Trust in the relationships you have invested time and energy...and trust the Lord has the potential to bless those relationships as you continue to work together.
No comments:
Post a Comment